Things happened last time. Yes, its always about last time.

Many years ago, I got rejected to start a relationship (with a female, duh). That time, I was literally a naive little boy. I asked, and I got no reply. Obviously this made me a little tense, and mad at the same time. How could she? Silence isn't an answer. She could have said; no, fuck off, bugger. I didn't know what the reply was going to to be, and if there will be one.

I assumed. I assumed for the worse. Shawn didn't know what to do. He doesn't have a love guru to teach him. What does this mean? What will that outcome have what impacts?

That point in time, we drifted apart suddenly. I felt I needed time to recuperate from this akwardly quiet situation. She was a good friend, one whom I'd known for a long time, I didn't want to loose this person as a friend.

Gradually, we rarely talk, only when meetups come along, as in the whole bastard-dised gang meeting, then we have the opportunity to even see each other. Even so, time has done its job. Shawn became immune to everybody. He somehow already has that heck-care attitude, maybe it's to shield him from baring his emotional weakness, maybe its a front for others not to see the chipped side of his heart. The fake front naturally made Shawn a good actor, so good infact, no one saw anything.

Years passed, more people came between us. I busied myself with tasks to keep my mind off her, until I met someone new. I guessed the pain of her wore off completely then. I didn't feel ashamed to talk to her directly anymore.

Recently, a common old friend of ours, A, began to edge closer to her. Initially, I was taken aback. I knew this was coming. I saw. But I never see this coming half a year later. A doesn't know of what happened then, see. In fact, I felt A was overly-smittened by her, he doesn't realize my subtle words of criticism while we were chatting online. He was too consumed by the victory he predicted will come, even requested for my wishing him all the best in this new endevour.

I didn't.

And I told him that I wouldn't.

The tears have dried.

However you must see that the shock can still come through any contact. I'm a friend of both. I don't want to cheer someone on, just so to spite her, and remind her of a past we shared. I would be siding him, alienating her if things turn for the worse. Its not fair to treat someone like that, like teasing the tits of a common whore who puts herself up for prostitution. Its akin to American Navy men who gang-bang an AIDS-less chinese woman who knows she will be shelved for life from marrying a proper husband who'll respect her for what she is. How weak and un-gentlemanly behaviour to push a female overboard.

But if I have a chance, I'll tell her now, its ok to forget about the past. Whatever happened will always be a life lesson, part and parcel of growing up. Its ok to plunge into something new, without know the outcome, without knowing if you'll hit the floor hard as if you tried to commit suicide, without strings attached that'll come back to haunt you one day.

You won't know your destiny till you try it. People don't want to see you withdraw into a shell the minute they touch you. This is the time, the time to present your best to the world, to shine, to show them you're not really a girl who's bullied.

I wish you happiness, and the best I have.